Worried About Someone — when home isn't safe

If they're in immediate danger, call your local emergency number (e.g. 911, 112, 999). For your own conversations, a domestic-abuse helpline also advises friends and family — search "[your country] domestic violence helpline" (e.g. US 1-800-799-7233; UK 0808 2000 247). Quick exit is top right. Be mindful the person may be monitored — reach them privately.

About supporting someone you're worried about — not legal or clinical advice. You can't control their choices, and pushing too hard can backfire; your role is steady support and a path to trained help. Resources vary by country.

Loving someone in an abusive situation is its own helplessness — you can see it, and you can't fix it for them. Here's what actually helps: not rescuing or ultimatums, but becoming the person they can tell the truth to, who believes them, and who keeps a door open to real help. People often leave only after many attempts; your steadiness across that time can be the thing that finally makes leaving possible.

The one idea: believe them, listen without judging, and don't pressure them to leave — it can increase their danger and push them away. Keep the door open, help them reach a trained advocate, and be patient. Your steady presence matters, even when they're not ready.

How to bring it up

Find a private moment, when the person they fear isn't around (and isn't monitoring their phone). Lead with care, not accusations:

Try: "I care about you, and I've been worried. Whatever's going on, I'm here, and I won't judge you." Then listen.

Express concern gently, name what you've noticed, and make it safe to talk.
Don't trash the abuser aggressively — they may love them, and it can make them defensive or shut down.
Reassure them it's not their fault, and that you'll be there regardless of what they decide.

Believe them; don't judge

Believe what they tell you — being believed may be rare for them, and it matters enormously.
Don't ask "why don't you just leave?" — it implies blame, and leaving is complex and dangerous.
Respect their pace and choices, even when it's hard to watch. Their autonomy is part of their safety and dignity.

Why not to pressure them to leave

Pushing someone to leave before they're ready — or without a plan — can increase the danger (leaving is often the most dangerous time) and can isolate them from you, the very support they need. Offer help and options, not ultimatums.

It's painful to hold back when you can see the harm. But decisions made and owned by them, with proper support, are safer and more lasting than ones forced from outside. Stay in their corner without conditions.

How to actually help

Share resources — a helpline, this kit — and offer to help them reach an advocate (even to sit with them while they call, on a safe device).
Offer concrete, practical support — a safe place to talk, somewhere to store a bag or documents, being an emergency contact, agreeing a code word for "I need help now."
Keep showing up — check in, stay connected; abuse thrives on isolation, and your steady presence counters it.
Be patient — it can take many tries to leave. Don't withdraw if they stay; keep the door open.

Look after yourself

This is heavy — supporting someone through abuse takes a toll; get your own support (a helpline will talk to you too).
You can't force or rescue — you can love, believe, and stay. That is a great deal.
Mind your own safety — don't confront a dangerous abuser yourself; if you witness immediate danger, call emergency services.

You don't have to say the perfect thing or have the answer. Being the person who believed them, didn't judge, and stayed — that can be the lifeline that, in time, makes everything else possible.

The close

You can't walk out the door for someone, and trying to force it can make them less safe and more alone. What you can do is quietly powerful: believe them, refuse to judge, keep their secret safe, and stay — while gently pointing them toward people trained to help. Leaving an abuser is usually not one decision but many, over time, and the steady friend who never gave up or pushed too hard is often what makes the last one possible. Be that. And take care of yourself too — you matter in this story.

Free and public domain (CC0) — copy it, translate it, share it. No accounts, no tracking; it runs entirely in your browser, and nothing you do here is saved or sent. Support information, not legal or clinical advice; if someone's in danger call emergency services, and a trained advocate helps (you can call for advice too). Resources vary by country.